wilax..

andrew's quarter century bday party!

2007-01-13T22:38:00.000-08:00

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more pix

2006-09-07T18:31:00.000-07:00

more pix from this past softball season.
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ccsa banquet 2006

2006-09-05T22:00:00.000-07:00

so the softball season all comes down to just one thing...a huge banquet! just another excuse for us all to dress up, take digi pix and din on rock hard bread, dry chicken, steamed veggies and a whooping generous portion of two spoon full of pasta. do i sound bitter? LOL! i’m not, i just felt like saying that because honestly the food was quite yummy this year. not to mention, rhcbc took home three m.a.t. awards and one o.u.t. award. congrads to every rhcbc team this season for an awesome season of softball and fellowship within our own teams and collectively as a unified church.

"every time a ball is coming towards you is a chance to show what you're made of. a chance to shake it off and start again, to make a great play like you know you can...it is just a game. the game is a means for something greater. when you lose sight of that and get too caught up in the game itself, you need to take a break to gain some perspective." - jma

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summer retreat

2006-08-03T17:49:00.000-07:00

retreat was awesome so a big thanx to kim for making it happen even tho i know she isn't going to take the credit because it really belongs to GOD. great worship by team alpha and team omega! thanx to the speaker for his passionate messages. i hope you enjoy the few retreat pixz that i took which are in two albums...part 1 and part 2...comments make me happy!!

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softball softball softball

2006-07-24T20:31:00.000-07:00

alrite so here is an update for those who keep bugging me about that. i'll try to keep this more consistent but no promises. next update...summer retreat!

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and
aww so sweet tim&karin

hey doesn't matt look he has an afro? LOL! don't forget to leave me a comment!
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happy bday becca!

2006-05-29T23:58:00.000-07:00

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surprise...

2006-04-09T20:25:00.000-07:00

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winter retreat

2006-02-23T17:25:00.000-08:00

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alrite, so i forgot to take a group pix before a select few decided to head back to church earlier on sunday. so as you can see, i've used my all star pro cut and paste skills that i learnt in grade 2 to magically poof them back in the picture. i'm so pro, becca and leo would be so proud of me...lol!! to all those who took the time to write a word of encouragement to me, thanx! steve: i left that pix in just for you like i promised!
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pressing on towards the goal...

2006-01-21T21:12:00.000-08:00

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"not that i have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but i press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. brothers, i do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. but one thing i do: forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, i press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus."
philippians 3:12-14

happy new year

2006-01-01T19:17:00.000-08:00

so, i went to see disney on ice: monster inc. yesterday with becca and angela and it was spectacular. i honestly didn't know what to expect but it was basically the entire movie dramatized on ice with all these cool special effects. it was very clever how disney brought to life so many cool scenes from the movie like the moving doors that traveled on a track or that scare ray pointed at boo as she was tied down ready to be zapped. the characters in the movie were brought to life with costumes that were so real looking and effortless skating by the performer. the scene changes were so smooth and the use of lighting captured your attention. a definite sense of nostalgia overcame me as i sat their mesmerized by the show. i’m not a kid anymore but i know i’m still a kid at heart. it was a great experience and many thanx to angela for inviting me and becca to tag along with her.

later that night me and becca went to fairview to buy some time to figure what to do for new years eve while shopping at the same time. becca made some calls and lucky for us allen mentioned a house party that we could go to if we wanted. i honestly didn't want to go because it was like near yorkdale mall but after some persuasion and compromise i finally decided to go and i'm very happy that i went. it was really great to see a lot of old frienz from when i went to miliken chinese community church. itz good to know that everyone is doing well and a reminder to me that i definitely should make more effort in spending time with people instead of isolating myself from them. i got in a couple of games of yugioh with alex who thoroughly pawned me in one game. After that, it was a healthy dinner of pizza, fried chicken, baked chicken nuggets and lots and lots of alcoholic beverages. yummmy...i indulged a bit more then i should and had orange juice the entire night to wash it all down.

after that, it was back to board games and this time around it was cranium, one of my personal favorite games to play in groups. it was cranium trubo but sadly becca, allen and I didn't move from start for a good 20 mins into the game. it was harlious watching people act and draw things that totally didn't make sense until the answer was finally given. nothing more funny when jen had to use play doh to sculpt out the word microscope for alex who had to guess what she was sculpting. i don't think i've laughed so hard this entire year because jen's sculpture was so far off and the expression on alex was just priceless as he tried to guess what she was trying to sculpt. the only thing holding me up from rolling around on the floor was the table. it was just that funny. in the end, we came last but the it was so much fun coming in last. got to finally spend some time with ann and sorta catch up with things. i'm hoping to find some time to just go out the both of us and continue what we both started. becca and ann seem to hit it off pretty good as they sang karaoke ddr duet songs together.

finally the countdown and it was the worst countdown ever. i remember someone saying like 2 mins to go as we watched it from citytv but next thing we heard was like 4, 3, 2, 1...happy new year. all of us were caught off guard and weren't even in the room yet. so what does steve do...tells us he has rogers on demand and can replay the entire countdown so we do it all over again but this time we all have drinks in hand(becca and i have juice of course) and counting from ten. how funny is that! the worst countdown becomes the funniest countdown ever. i'm gona call rogers and tell them to do a commercial like that to promote rogers on demand. neways, it was a great night even tho my cat allergies started to kick in. i started to have trouble breathing so i took a break outdoors on the porch. in the quiet of the night i said a prayer for a few ppl, thanked god for a great year and asked for his continuing guidance in 2006. went back in and chilled some more and finally came home at like 2ish after driving becca home. church tomorrow....so happy new year to all!

surprise

2005-12-30T20:56:00.002-08:00

an ebay purchase of Ravi: $100.00
a birthday cake from loblaws: $20.00
some candles from gary: $free
a lighter from alex: $free
a mix of salt fellowship pranksters

the expression on gummi's face: PRICELESS

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Christmas Dinner

2005-12-30T00:25:00.000-08:00

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moving forward

2005-12-11T22:38:00.000-08:00

i feel so much more fulfilled this day then i have in such a long time. it must have something to do with breaking away from my usual routine of playing yugioh at pmall for hours. not that i don’t enjoy it cause i very much do but lately i’ve been so consumed with my own selfish plans that i’ve totally neglected those friendships that have made me into the person i am today. the worst part is i’ve known this fact for awhile now but continue to just fall into the same trap of my everyday routine. case in point one...i promised my friend rudy that i would go chill with him when i saw him at the passion concert nov. 22/05. itz been like almost 3 weeks and i haven’t even called him to arrange anything. the worst part is, i don’t even have any excuses to give...i’m such a bad friend. in the end, i got an email from him asking me why i hadn’t called him yet and of course i had no answer to that. so, finally today, we meet up at a Japanese all you can eat restaurant along with becca and allen.

it was a great time of fellowship together and the food was excellent even tho they somehow managed to always miss out on one item we ordered. if it wasn’t the spicy salmon roll, it was the shrimp tempura or something else. that crispy salmon skin roll was so yummy! anyone, wanna take me again? lol! after filling up our bellies we stop by canadian tire and headed to second cup. i was totally surprised when my old time friend Ann also joined us for some drinks. case in point two...i’ve seen ann only twice in the past two years and both of them at t.c. and each time i’ve gotten her celi digits and promised to call to arrange a time to catch up and do something together. well, i never ended up calling so whatz my record now? like 0-2 or 0-3 because it happen twice with ann...i’m starting to sound like the raptors. with that said, seeing her was so refreshing because itz been too long since we spend more then two minutes together. can i even use the word friend? sigh! before she left we talked about getting together during the christmas holidays so hopefully i can break this disappointing trend. should i ask her to christmas dinner? hmmm...

in the end, our group that started with five dwindled down to two, rudy and i. we talked, got caught up and actually had a conversation that didn’t centre around our past significant other. rather it was more focused on God and building up a better relationship with Him. that was amazing because i can’t remember the last time something like this happening between us. i’d probably have to go back to the days when we shared a pillow together under the musty smell of our retreat cabin out in the wilderness. i like the direction things are going with him but can’t help but feel there is still a lot of pain buried deep inside of him. i personally know itz something that will take a very long time to recover from but i have faith in him that he will be a better person because of it all. i’m praying for you...

you will die….number your days aright!

2005-12-10T17:30:00.000-08:00

so finally i’ve decided to get off my lazy bumbum and update…whoaa…itz been months and so much as happened in that time. too many events to list from all sorts of mini parties, movie nites, and even candy carnival. but i definitely want to thanx all those who surprised me at memories of japan for my bday. i was so blown away to see all those familiar faces once again, especially my long time friend, jenny luc..lol! itz been years since we last talked but seeing her that night, it was as if we never drifted apart. i felt instantly connected again and itz something that i really value in your friendship. thank you for all those who attended or took the time to write me an ecard/email like syd, grace and karen. especially, thanx to becca for taking the time to organize the whole surprise party and for a day i’ll always remember. for the record, let me just say being blind folded is a scary way to travel around town.

so, itz been awhile since i’ve done some serious thinking about doing things to make my life more meaningful but the past two weeks has definitely been filled with a lot of personal reflection. it all started when tony campolo spoke at our church and expressed a need for a generation of not just believers of christ but true disciples living out what we believe in our actions. i’m sure a lot of us can attest in believing in God but itz more then just believing. he said, even the evil one believes in God, so whatz the difference? itz not only about believing but more about being a disciple of God and fulfilling our purpose as a believer. he challenged us that night to do something like volunteer for urban promise or sponsor a child from world vision. i definitely felt a strong tugging in my heart to do what i know was right but didn’t want to commit to.

by the end of the night i did find myself at the world vision display table flipping through pamphlets of kids that need to be sponsored. i was very reluctant to commit even tho i knew everything becca was saying was true. grrr…why does she always have to be right! in the end, i did sponsor a child but did so feeling pressured and not of my own free will. before leaving church to head home i asked God that if this is what He wanted me to do He’ll show me. no sooner did i ask God, did the signs start coming. the song better days by goo goo dolls started playing and the lyrics just spoke to me. the following sunday i got a full dose of reality...you will die...number your days aright. as i sat there taking in the sermon, the tears just started streaming down my face. thoughts of one day not having my parents around, the lose of those i deeply care about, un-resolved issues, a life not completely fulfilled consumed my mind and my heart. i’ve been blessed with so much and have the life that i have not because i did anything to deserve it all, but because God has willed it for me. i have since moved from this idea that sponsoring a child is something that i should do, to this is something that i want to do. i’ve filled out the paper work and sent out my first payment. i’m so excited to see what God will do in her life and to hear all about it in the letters that i’ll get to read.

"teach us to number our days aright, that we may gain a heart of wisdom."

ccsa softball banquet

2005-09-01T06:58:00.000-07:00

i really don’t have the words to describe it yet but what a summer of softball it has been. it all culminates with one big banquet at the end of the season.
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u turn 180

2005-08-09T07:24:00.000-07:00

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a wonderland to remember with a sac of rice, divine providence, two apostles & lots of light

2005-07-19T14:10:00.000-07:00

itz been five years since i was last at paramount canada's wonderland so you can imagine the excitement and anticipation to finally immerse myself in a place full of nostalgic memories. there was a time when i actually got full value for my entrance fee by going on all the so called "thrill rides". i conquered all wonderland had to offer from timberwolf falls, mighty canadian minebuster, skyrider, and even the bat. there wasn’t a ride that scared me back then but itz whole different story now. zooming along at unrelenting speeds high above the ground while doing 360-degree loops, corkscrews and a side-winding helix on scrawny metal beams isn’t my idea of fun anymore. if that isn’t scary enough, you gotta do it all now in reverse or on a decaying wooden track from the dark-ages or free-falling from a 230ft tower or flying face first through a long series of climbs, drops and turns. not to mention there are so many new rides like shockwave, psyclone and sledge hammer. umm...no thanks, i’ll pass and keep my yummy fully loaded funnel cake in my stomach where it belongs.

i’m not sure when things changed so drastically for me but i’m sure getting really sick on the days of thunder simulator ride one year must of contributed to my fear of "thrill rides". i’m not much of a risk taker anymore so sticking with "family rides" is what i set out to do this time around at wonderland. sure enough, things never go exactly the way i plan but sometimes on those rare occasions it actually turns out even better. this experience was definitely one of those times. i found myself having such great fellowship with the lights team. it was great having emily and jeff from the apostles join us in the game of ccsa tag. it was fun running into slingers and dunamis throughout the park. i made two new friends in angela and caleb from other ccsa softball teams who tagged along and by the end, greatly enriched my experience with their friendship. caleb was definitely the man, his backpack was like a grocery store on the go. you could live off the amount of food that was stored away on his back for a week. then there was angela, this seemingly gentle and soft-spoken girl at first, until it came time to coercing me to go on one of those so called "thrill rides". every time i asked her if a ride was scary she would smirk and reply with a resounding no. somehow i didn’t believe her and even after clearly saying "no, i think this ride is too scary, i don’t think i’ll go on this ride", i still found myself inline for the ride. go figure...i guess itz just a girl thing that us guys will never understand the kind of power they wield over us. yes laugh it up girlz!

so, while waiting inline for top gun i got an opportunity to fellowship with angela and caleb. it was great even tho it was just the three of us. most of the time it was me just trying to convince them that this ride was too wild, as the sound of the top gun train with feet dangling zoomed high above us. at a last pitch to persuade me i remember caleb telling me that there is no time like now to overcome your fear and he was right. i’m pretty sure he was just referring to the roller coaster ride but it got my mind thinking about the other fears in my life that keep paralyzing me emotionally and spiritually. it was definitely God at work nudging and reminding me to keep facing those fears and trying to overcome them. i suppose it all worked out in the end, i got to bond with two really great people and got reminded that i have to continue to press on and not let my fears have control over me. as well, top gun got shut down before we got on due to poor weather conditions so i got to keep my shrimp teriyaki lunch special that i shared with angela in my belly. and in the end, i salvaged some manhood by appearing like i had the guts to try top gun. my God is such a great shepherd.

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the evening ended with an awesome time of worship with everyone that participated in the mid-season mixer and a personal message by pastor colin mccartney of urban promise. for me, it was more like a personal testimony as he shared his struggle with finding his identity and overcoming almost being paralyzed in a surfing accident. through it all, he really demonstrated how faithful God was to him when you first yield to His Will and allow Him to have control. his question that night was definitely a very poignant one, "who are you following?" are you following the world or are you following the great shepherd of the universe? itz not easy to keep focused on God at a time when we are constantly being bombarded by all forms of media. But how reassuring it is to know that no matter how far we fall from the track, God is quietly waiting for us to return back. so, like the vortex ride that i was on, we may experience sudden drops, twist, turns and bumps along life's highway but if we hang on with all our might and keep praying hard we’ll get through it, just like i did despite screaming and wailing like a little baby. thanx becca for your support on vortex even tho, i'm sure you wanted to bail out with all my girly screaming...lol! finally, the evening was highlighted by the winner of the first ever ccsa mid-season tag match at wonderland with the lights team prevailing over all other teams that participated. team covenant was a very close second while etcbc lumas slid in at third.

i remember when it was announced that the lights team won, i couldn’t help but feel so proud of the team for their accomplishment. and while bob’s feat of single handedly beating out so many other teams in the tag game was amazing, the lights team really demonstrated what team unity is all about and what more can be achieved when you pull together and have a common goal. but then again i wouldn’t expect anything less from this community of believers that make up salt fellowship at rhcbc. i think matt put it best when he said…

"the more i go deeper, the more i am involved among them, the more am i able to be inspired...for the first time in a long while, i feel motivated by their energy, their commitment, their joys and their support for each other...all of these things have served nothing but has given me inspiration, even happiness..."

i can’t help but share the same sentiment as he does because there truly is something special about this community of believers that i have been so blessed with and truly thankful for. i am certain that there will be many more experiences to come.

lastly i just wanted to say, i survived white water canyon with just a drop on my white pants while everyone else got soaked...lol! you know who you are...muwahahahahaha! it took almost 30 balls but I won that madagascar penguin for becca...yeah! no trip to wonderland is complete unless you try the funnel cake and don’t forget to take a ride with sponge bob at the spongebob squarepants 3D motion simulator movie ride...thanx angela for the heads up on the freaky flying ball and crushing me into the corner at the spinning tea cup ride...lol!, it was a great day!

lights gamez nite

2005-07-09T07:08:00.000-07:00

the night was a great time of fellowship, food, bonding and board games. thanx jan for opening your house and to alex for slaving over the bbq for us all. it was definitely better then staring at the tv screen and watching will smith in hitch create opportunities for men to catch their fish. although i’m sure some of us secretly took notes...you know who u are...lol! if there are two things i learnt that night, it is:

the first is, just cause syd has an innocent, kind and gentle demeanor, he can be ruthless in board games so don’t let syd play monopoly. he was at a disadvantage by going last and yet still manage to acquire the majority of the property then build houses/hotels and own more than half of the board. it was all over for me when i landed on his boardwalk with a hotel in which i had to pay him over 2000 in rent...ouch! good game syd!

the second is, just cause she is sweet and super adorable doesn’t mean she can’t play the game of risk. just when you think becca is done for, she makes a major comeback with lucky dice roles and some sort of unexplainable aura about her. she conquered with an iron first plowing over her adversaries with little resistance and chanting "i will rule the world" followed by her evil laugh that resonated throughout the room. in the end, it all came down to the final battle in australia (isn’t it always about australia in risk...lol!) with syd having only one solider left against the entire army of becca. syd definitely put up a good fight but there was nothing that would derail becca tonight. like i’ve said so many times, itz just a girl thing and the power they have over us mortal men. good game becca!

definitely looking forward to the next games night and more fellowship with the lights team.

nitty, jan & bi having a little to much to drink of their concocted punch

itz chow time for the lights team

matt, jalen, jay and steve enjoying their food while looking cool!

joyce and syd all smily as always

alex doing a little dance while bbq, supposedly it makes the food taste better

jacquline holding up the extreme jenga game, you know itz illegal to do that rite!

risk after 10 mins of play, daniel & jan(blue), will(silver) & becca & louis(green)

risk after 1 hour of play, jacquline(red) & syd & merv(yellow)

risk after 2 hours of play, matt & jay(black), syd & merv(yellow) & becca(green)

jan and syd going head to head

risk after 4 hours of play, then there were two: becca(green) vs. syd(yellow)

itz commander becca signaling her famous "i will take over the world" move

becca assembling her massive army

risk after 5 hours of play, itz becca(rest of the world) vs. syd(one solider)

jan showing us what not to do during a game of risk...eww!!!

carpe diem

2005-06-25T08:51:00.000-07:00

in your first year of engineering one of the basic things they tell you during your freshman orientation is to look to your left and look to your right, by the end of the school term they won’t be in the program. itz funny at the time, but itz so true and in a lot of ways itz like life. as i start to look to the left and look to the right in my life, the people that i’ve shared great memories with once upon a time aren’t there any longer because either they’ve died or we’ve just grown so distant with each other. itz sad but so true.

i remember when i was going to tccc fellowship and was introduced to these two really cute twins. it was so hard to tell them apart but i naturally had a crush on one more then the other. we became great friends to the point that we both felt that a relationship would just hurt our friendship so we ended up just being great friends. when i left tccc we stayed in touch often but it wasn’t the same anymore. we had grown distant, and with time we just ended up going separate ways in our lives. we ran into each other during softball a few times and we always planned to meet up and do something official together. that never happened and the sad part of it all, is that it will never happen as she past away a few months ago in an car accident on her way back to toronto from waterloo. now when i look to the right, there is just one less person i see on that side and it hurts. i’m scared, i don’t want to look to the left because i honestly don’t want to see who’ll be missing on that side. itz hard to accept but itz inevitable that eventually everyone on the right and left will no longer be there but the bigger question is where will they be?

the bible clearly states that there are only two places: heaven or hell? as a child of ten or eleven, i remember watching this christian movie at church about the second coming of Christ. it depicted a typical normal society going about everyday activities like what we would do now in our lives minus all the fancy cool gadgets we have today. suddenly without warning one day the rapture came and all those who truly believed and accepted Christ as their personal Lord and Savior were taken and everyone else was left behind. those who were left behind were at first confused until they realized what had happen. then all you saw were people running in the streets yelling and screaming for God to save them but it was too late. i was freaked out back then and come to think of it, i’m pretty freaked out now. i can’t imagine how it will truly be but then again, when the time comes, itz not an experience that i want to have.

i use to go by the screen name heaven4ever as reminder to myself that the greatest joy on earth is the prospect of heaven. it was even my asian avenue name which didn’t work too well, as i would constantly get my guestbook tagged by guys that were trying to mack on me. i eventually abandoned that screen name for a more manly screen name and in the process lost sight of what was truly important in life. i mean when your young, you don’t give death or life after death much thought. when you’re young, you live this carefree lifestyle and you basically do anything you want with no worries of the consequences. you have this mentality that you are invincible, that nothing can hurt you and you’ll live forever. as you get a little older you start to realize that maybe you aren’t so invincible as you once thought you were. you start to feel the pressures of growing up and fulfilling the expectations that have been placed on you or those that have been set by you. you worry more as you try to juggle your social, academic and spiritual life. all while you experience the rollercoaster ride of your emotions from the great joys to the deep pains of a broken heart.

now that i’m little older, i’ve realized that somewhere along life’s highway, the busyness of life has taken me off course but i am thankful for these past two weeks of cd team which has definitely reminded me of the importance of having an eternal perspective again. for the past two weeks we’ve looked at two parables in the bible, the first being the parable of the ten virgins and the second being the parable of the rich man and lazarus. each with a central theme of death and being prepared for the second coming of Christ. we’ve been challenged many times by pui wing with questions like are you prepared for Christ second coming today? do you even look forward to His coming? whatz holding you back from being prepared?

itz been a very emotional rollercoaster ride for me these past two weeks as i have been doing a lot of soul searching in my personal life. i know that i have accepted Christ as my personal savior and thus assured of His saving grace but have i really lived the kind of christian life that He commands me to live. the parable of the rich man and lazarus makes it crystal clear that in life after death, there is nothing we can do to help those who reside in hell. as much as i want to show compassion for them itz too late. i think of all those people that are on the left and right of me that i’ll never see again even in life after death and itz scary. have i really made the kind of effort to share the gospel to them that God commands me to do. i think of all those people who come to church on a regular basis perhaps out of habit but haven’t truly believed, what will happen to them? i don’t know…

all i know, is that life is so fragile and when i get to the end of my life i don’t want to ever look back wistfully at all the times that was lost over trivial differences and regret that i didn’t do enough, that i didn’t make good choices, that i didn’t share the gospel to my frienz, and that i didn’t live the kind of christian testimony that God commands me to live. for so long i’ve been running from my fears and letting them have full control of me and hindering me emotionally and spiritually. there are things that i need to do that i have left unresolved for way too long. i’ve been coasting in life, effectively distracting myself time and time again because there is no sense of urgency but now there clearly is. so until He returns or calls me home, itz time to give God control of my fears and step into the light and live the life that God so blessed me with. itz time to life each day as tho it was my last because i know one day it will be.

"i expect to pass through this world but once.
any good thing, therefore, that i can do or
any kindness i can show to any fellow human being
let me do it now. let me not defer nor neglect it,
for i shall not pass this way again."

feet, feet and more feet

2005-06-16T10:13:00.000-07:00

so whatz the beef with feet? they never get the respect they properly deserve. they carry our weight whatever that might be from place to place. for some they never see daylight while for others they are forced into strappy sandals that rub the wrong way all in the name of fashion. feet take a beating so letz not take our lowest appendages for granted. so, to all the feet haters i say to you, show some love, embrace your feet and go get a professional pedicure. when you go, might i suggest getting your feet buffed with a pumice stone or rotton stone. in addition to nail and cuticle work, don’t forget to smooth down those calluses and corns and exfoliate the skin. if you really want to pamper your feet go get a massage and get them dipped in paraffin, a soft wax with nourishing oils that rejuvenates dry, damaged skin thus, moisturizing the skin and giving your feet that soft, supple feel that was lost. finally, i’m going to once and for all squash this rumor that is flying around and that is: no, i do not have a foot fetish!... i do however enjoy taking pixz of feet of those who have made it clear that they hate feet...lol!(you know who you are!)
alrite, with that said, letz play a game(lol! I sound like becca!) below are pixz of feet, can you identify who they belong to? itz really not that hard as they are taken from people who are currently playing on a rhcbc softball team except for the last two pixz. the last two pixz are feet associated with someone who plays on a rhcbc softball team that have recently come to a team building event or an actual softball game. just add your two cents or tag the board with your answers. get them all right and you might just win a prize...lol!

the real you

2005-06-01T23:52:00.000-07:00

it was just one of those days. the sun was brightly shinning and i had just got home from a long day. as i started to gather my things and head in, this burgundy car pulls up onto my driveway. it was him, i didn’t know what to expect but nothing could prepare me for what was to happen. he greeted me a wave and slowly stepped out of his car. suddenly his demeanor changed as he stood before me. tears started streaming down his cheek and you could see the pain and anguish written all over his face. he was a person defended, lost and ultimately broken. then he fell onto my shoulder and just cried. as we both stood on my front yard, i held him in my arms but had no words of comfort to say. all i heard over and over again was “i miss her will...,i miss her...” we must have been standing there for a good ten minutes when finally he started to walk away. i had never seen him like this in the twelve years that i’ve known him. i ran inside to get some tissue paper and told my mom that i was going for a walk. when i came out he was leaning against the garage and slumped over sobbing. i held his arm and gently lead the way to the park that was not too far from my house, all while trying to reassure him that everything would work out in the end.

we sat under a maple tree shaded from the glow of the sun and then he asked an unexpected question that caught me off guard...“how did I ever get over the lost of josie?” it was not something i was prepared to answer. the questions kept coming about me and josie and i tried my best to give him the “right” answer. it wasn’t until he asked me the final question that I could not give an answer to...“do you still love josie?”. wow...it blew me away. how am i suppose to answer that…there was a long period of silence thereafter before we both decided to leave our bug infested ground we sat on to retreat to a nearby picnic table. he handed me this flower that he had picked from the ground, it was pretty. as we sat down the tears started to flow again. it wasn’t as bad this time as we continued to just share with each other about all the things that have happened in the past. we even reminisced of those “good old days” when life didn’t seem so complicated and we were so carefree about of everything. there was a gentleness and genuineness about him that had been missing for so long. for the first time, it didn’t feel awkward anymore, but felt like how it use to be between us when we first shared a pillow together that night. by the end of the evening there was definitely a renewed spirit between us and a new hope for the future. it might take time but i honestly do believe that everything has happened for a reason and with time we’ll be able to enjoy the “big picture” that God has determined for you, me and especially karen. as for now, i’ll be continually praying for you and karen. i’m here for the both of you always and i’ll do my best to take care of karen while you begin a new chapter in your life.

happy bday becca!!

2005-05-30T18:49:00.000-07:00

one big group pix...can you find yourself?

click here for more pictures.

the gift

2005-05-25T20:52:00.000-07:00

itz about 2 in the morning and i’m fast asleep after an eventful weekend. sure enough the one time i just wanna sleep i get a phone call from a friend. to make things worst, i was too lazy this one time to bring my cell phone with me to bed so i have to get out of bed to answer this call…grrr!! i can’t remember the last time someone called at 2 in the morning and having a decent conversation without falling asleep on them. i’m sure becca can attest to this. maybe itz cuz i haven’t talked to karen in so long or maybe itz just a combination of that, mixed with missing the kind of closeness we once shared before we both got so busy with our personal lives. her tone of voice said it all, i knew what she was gona say, and then she just poured her heart out to me about him. as i sat there just listening i couldn’t help but start getting teary eyed. a part of me just felt responsible for bringing the kind of stress, heartache and pain into her life by introducing them in the first place. what once was joy has turned to regret...

it was suppose to be a fairytale story. he was one of my closest guy frienz who was super sweet, sensitive and smart. she was this awesome girl that i got to know through our many conversations about our broken relationships in the past. i wanted so much for them to be together because they seem so compatible and i saw qualities that would really make an awesome relationship. one that would find itz foundations strongly rooted in Christ. the gears in my head were working hard to bring them both together and sure enough with time things worked out as planned. i was overcome with joy when it was official...bf/gf...finally it was complete. they were so much in love, you could see it in so many ways, especially the way they held each other under a moon lit sky adorned with brightly shining stars. the way they starred at each other seem to reach deep into their souls. they had fallen in love or so i had thought at the time. perhaps they had fallen in love with the idea love itself. i really don’t know, i can’t speak for the both of them, but what i do know, is how things are now and it scares me. fairytale stories are suppose to end with a happily ever after...so what happened?

i keep asking myself this very question over and over again. the more i keep thinking about this the more questions keep surfacing. i know that i can’t keep hiding behind this idealistic relationship that i want them both to have. that i have to face the reality of what i do see and that is you and her aren’t meant to be. itz not a question about my loyalties to you anymore but what God has impressed in my heart that i feel is right. slowly all those great characteristics of you i once admired are slowly fading away and shrouded by a darker side of you that scares me very much. in the past, it isn’t just the fact that you’re upset about something wrong she may have done to you but itz this feeling of just pure rage that i get from you. itz not even the fact that you are yelling at her, but just something about you. you’ve become a different person, a person i don’t even recognize and the truth is i don’t want to get to know.

i know things in your life have been tough and i’m sure the road that you’ve traveled to get to the point where you are today hasn’t been easy. i can’t say i understand what you’ve gone through but what i do know, is that in the end, it will be your attitude that defines how you deal with life circumstances. so perhaps the cards dealt to you by God weren’t the best but what you do with those cards is up to you. someone once said "what we are is God’s gift to us: what we become is our gift to God". you can continue to live your life complaining and being upset at all the things that you don’t have or you can start to realize all the blessings that God bestowed to you in the simplest of things in life. you’ve taken for granted what you do have and replaced it with the superficial things this world values as being important. you’ve been looking in all the wrong places and in all the wrong people when all along itz been staring right back at you…face to face. you had the most precious gift of all...

the love of your beloved

yet you continue to let your pride, your jealous, your insecurity, and your unforgiving heart blind you from God’s gift. you remain stubborn believing your way is the only way despite being told over and over again that a relationship is about give and take. it is not a dictatorship but of mutual understanding and compromise when you don’t see eye to eye. maybe you don’t see anything wrong with what you’re doing but then again thatz what i once thought myself...and look what happened.

you of all people should know how things ended up between me and josie. i’m telling you this because i don’t want the same thing to happen to you and karen like what happened to me and josie. you still can make a difference and step out of your relationship to look at ways to improve yourself first and your relationship with karen second. i can never do that with josie and i would be lying if i told you that it doesn’t hurt anymore because it truly does. so many memories still resonate inside me of a time when we were both so happy. i loved josie so much...and to this day i still care and miss josie even tho it may not seem like i do. i may not know the kind of person she’s become but i pray always with all my heart that whatever endeavors she’s chosen that God is in control. don’t be so blind like me and take karen for granted like i took josie. don’t let you pride get the best of you because in the end you’ll be a very sad, bitter, and lonely person.

you know i only want the very best for you and i’m only telling cause i care for you like a brother. you may end up hating me for what i’ve said but i’ve entrusted my feelings to God and i pray that He’ll make you understand just how much you’ve been blessed and most importantly how much God loves you. i thank you with all my heart for being the one person who has seen me through the good and bad with josie. nothing i can ever do could repay you for the support and encouragement you gave me during that part of my life. thank you...

“love is patient, love is kind, it does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. it is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.” 1 Corinthians 13: 4-5

surprise!!

2005-05-23T14:59:00.000-07:00

alrite it wasn't the kind of surprise party that was expected but it was a surprise nonetheless. happy bday janette!!

awww...jan's room all decked out!

cranes are sooo cool!!

jan pretending to be surprised!

jan, brian and jalen looking good!

jan, hard at work for her own bday

car, actually in the kitchen working hard!

becca, displays her work of art

sam, the master chef

gary, put to the test after those cooking lessons from becca

car, tony and caleb workin it at the bbq

becca serving johnny noodles

tony, stuffing himself with food

jalen, eating sticks??..what duh!

sam, wins the food competition

johnny, taking a power nap

forgiveness

2005-05-07T23:57:00.000-07:00

after a long day out with janice downtown, i'm in desperate need of a foot massage. any takers on this?(jan i know how much you love feet!) i mean i would prefer if you had experience in this area but like i said, i'm desperate rite now so anyone will do cuz my feet feel the burn…that can't be a good sign rite?

what an eventful day out with janice before she leaves for vietnam to participate in a three week course studying evolutionary ecology of plants and insects. it started early with a lot of walking on yonge and queen street by the eaton centre. we both got a chance to finally eat at quizno sub and we even got to visit M.E.C., which happens to be one of my favorite stores to peruse(yes itz a real word becca & janice) cuz they have all sorts of cool gadgets and camping gear. by the time we finished walking eaton centre my feet just couldn’t take it anymore and sure enough janice didn’t let it down that i couldn’t keep up with her. in all fairness, she did get a hour and half rest while she got her hair styled while i was still out roaming yonge street in search for good deals. it wasn’t on the way uptown to meet up with becca and all her frienz did we finally start talking about what kinda questions we would like to have answered at C.S.I.. for janice it seem that the whole concept of predestination was a blur and for myself forgiveness was definitely hot on my mind once again. we eventually, just ended up grabbing some coconut buns from this chinese supermarket since everyone who we were suppose to meet up with ended up being a no show.

we arrived at church early so we decided to play some bball since janice’s balling skills are legendary. she really whooped my butt with her super accurate shooting and even eliminated me from our game of bump. lucky for me the program tonight came with refreshments and i must say the dessert by alex was very yummy. i had brought my ever so popular mango pudding which i knew would put a smile on joyce. C.S.I. started with a lot of very thought-provoking questions but it wasn’t until becca read my question about forgiveness did i really start to feel engaged. after all, it was my question and there was definitely a personal element to why i would ask such a question to begin with. forgiveness is something i struggle with for as long as i can remember. as i’m writing this, the voice in my head is already firing off name’s of people that i find it hard to forgive. people who have offended or hurt me in the past, none harder to forgive then HER. in the past i’ve said i’ve forgivin HER, after all who i am today is because things happened the way they did. and yet i just don’t feel like i’m totally content with how things are. i know everything happens for a reason and i honestly do believe that it was all part of God’s determined WILL for me. with time i do see things coming full circle but i know there is still something missing in the “big” picture. i think apart of it has a lot to do with just getting the kinda closer that i’ve never gotten. still waiting in expectancy for those words “i’m sorry for hurting you...will you forgive me?”. at the same time, i remember what pui wing said at C.S.I. again and again. at the end of the day, so what if you get all the anwers you're looking for, then what? would that make you believe more and accept everything wholeheartedly? would that make you forgive HER? as i ponder this…

...the underlying truth is, if i never hear those words or get the kind of closer i’m seeking i would still fully forgive josie. i’ve held this for so long because i’ve always cared for HER dispite how much i’ve been hurt. and that is the truth...

...finally i feel the circle is complete...

finally an update

2005-05-03T15:45:00.000-07:00

i’ve finally decided that itz time to update my blog since itz been way too long. so much has happened in the past seven months that the longer i procrastinate the more i seem to forget if not already forgotten. with that said, i’ve decided that i’m not going to trace back all the events that have made me the person i am today. i’m going to simply start with the present and commit to updating my blog more frequently.

for as long as i’ve been going to church, i’ve always known stephen as the "guy that got stoned" and that was pretty much it. always felt bad for the guy cuz thatz such a horrible way to die. so you can imagine my surprise this past friday when we studied acts chapter 6 and discovered that stephen was strategically important historically as well as his individual life. as a consequence of his death, persecution broke out in jerusalem which scattered the church, resulting in the evangelization of judea and samaria and eventually the world. the very character of stephen's life is proof that the effect of a person's ministry has nothing to do with the length of it. his ministry was short, and yet it was the catalyst that sparked the fulfillment of the great commission so that you and i today can know the salvation that comes with a personal relationship with God. God had a plan and stephen was the key and by the same token God has a plan for you and me. in our endeavor to share the gospel we may never see any one person come to know Christ just like stephen, but just like stephen our ministry is nevertheless important in God's grand design. so the next time you feel God tugging at your heart, know that whether or not you choose to act on it not only affects you but also indirectly affect others as well and ultimately the kingdom of heaven.

i've known you the longest at rhcbc every since i met you that faithful day on the bus ride to "the maze". thank you for befriending me and for making me feel so welcome at church. i wish you the best as you chase your dreams in med school. i know our paths will cross again so until then i'll enjoy the silence without all your farting and burping...joking! take care and thanx again edith!

gurlz cell group: joyce, kim, eeds, amy, karin, becca & jan (minus hannah)

eeds in shock after receiving her care package

becca & gummi

gangster gurlz: nitty, karin, car & bianca

johnny, nitty & jan

becca & jan

becca upto her normal sillyness

awww...look at those curlz!

a new season of softball is upon me and once again i find myself on the sidelines. i remember winning the jr. championships against scbc at wigmore park and telling myself that i would just retire while on top and enjoy just being actively involved with softball but not as a player. i've keep true to my word to this day despite all the persuasion i've faced in the past years but never have i felt so strongly against my decision to this point in my life. this past sunday, rhcbc had their softball orientation and it was such an eye opener for me. i had originally planned to play yugioh but felt the tugging of my heart by God to go despite the fact that i wasn't affiliated with any particular team. the whole time while i was there i felt like such an outsider so i decided that i would take pictures for the team that i felt most tided to which of course is now rhcbc lights. as i sat quietly waiting for those opportune times to snap those candid shots i couldn't help but feel sad inside. i was the guy standing outside the box looking in and only observing all the fun, laugher and new friendships being formed but never experiencing it. i knew at that moment that once again i let my fears rob me of the kind of life i could have been experiencing. the fear of going back on my word, the fear of embarrassing myself on the field and letting the team down, the fear of hitting the pitcher, the fear of commitment to one team and finally the fear of seeing her once again. all these fears suddenly seem so insignificant as i watch them play the "crossing the river" game. all i wanted was to play on rhcbc lights and play beside my beloved becca. when asked by joyce why i wasn't play softball, i had no true answer, just weak excuses that didn't hold any weight. i have only myself to blame for this but i know now, i will not make this mistake again.

brian, nitty & becca: now thatz team work!

Jan: mmm...rice crispy square!

eeds doing her victory dance!

eeds stalling for time before the church cheer

karin & claudia: where is everybody?

bobby & sam: who is this touching my bum?

jerry, angie & johnny: more blindfolded fun!

johnny in the next dr. seuss cat in the hat movie!

joyce i'm watching you!

jan defending herself from the boyz!

eliot itz time to wake up!

jan, becca & daphne in "river crossing"

lost and found

2004-10-07T13:47:00.000-07:00

have you ever lost something of value before? i know i have and itz not the greatest experience. i remember losing my wallet and being overcome by this paralyzing feeling. after the panic subsided and i calmly retraced my steps i realized that i left my wallet at bubble star. i quickly sped to commerce gate and even before i could tell them what happened they had my wallet in hand, ready to give back to me. i was so overjoyed and relieved that i could have hugged everyone in sight. losing my wallet is one thing because in the end it can be replaced but what about losing a friend. i've had my share in lost frienz and each one of them can never be replaced. they exist only in my thoughts and in the memories we shared together now. but thatz not how i want things to be and i'm sure itz not what god wants either.

for the most part the frienz that i've lost in the past aren't a result of death but a choice on my part to make little to no effort to salvage the relationship because of some sort of disagreement. you probably know the drill by now, someone is offended, alienation begins, attitudes change, inappropriate words and actions soon follow. the relationship is strained and even ended at times. the largest bird in the world, the ostrich, has the undeserved reputation of responding to imminent danger by sticking itz head in the sand. that seems foolish because even tho you don't see the danger it doesn't mean that the danger is gone. yet i keep falling into this trap of trying to ignore my problems by preoccupying myself with other things so i don't have to deal with it. all while it continues to grow like a cancer eating away at me from the inside out.

looking back there is one particular person that really comes to mind. i remember meeting her for the very first time at softball, she was so shy and innocent looking despite her white tube-top. i was so nervous around her cuz i didn't want to make a fool of myself. with great courage i got her number and i must of rehearsed what i wanted to say like ten times before actually calling her. But when i started to talk with her, it was so easy to hold a conversation and the more we talked the more comfortable i got. what i'll never forget is the time we went fishing together and on the way to the lake she started crying in the middle of my sharing. i was so blown away by her reaction that i started to get teary eyed myself. i just never expected this type of response but through it all, it brought us so much closer together.(btw, she put me to shame which was so obvious from the start when i was too grossed out to put the worm on the hook and she had to do it for me)

our friendship has definitely had itz share of ups and downs but through those struggles our friendship was strengthen. especially during the time in my life where i was trying to make sense of my break up with josie. we had so many late nite conversations and no matter how late or how busy she found herself, she always made time for me. most profound was just watching her endure the very same struggles that i was experiencing...a broken heart. in recognizing her problems, her pain and her frustrations were every bit as real as my own but still had the heart to be there for me greatly humbled me and enhanced my sense of appreciation for her. she has been such a testimony to me but that was then, and this is now...

itz been a year since we parted ways and when i think back to the reason why we stopped talking i can't believe how foolish i was. once again i've let my pride rob me of a year of my precious time spent with someone so special to me. the worst part in all this is the kind of christian testimony i've been to her. itz something i know that i can't let drag on any longer and i've come to the conclusion that itz time to end the silence and make an effort in building our lost relationship up again. i definitely felt that this is what god wanted also because at every roadblock i faced with trying to get in touch with her again he would give me the answer. no answer more profound then getting her email from her younger brother at first markham place while getting a drink for becca. i couldn't help but sit in my car after in wonderment. i mean, i've been trying to get her email for the past month with no success and out of no where it comes to me from god. it just comes to show that if god wants something to happen then itz going to happen no matter what.

i didn't want this opportunity that god gave me go to waste, so i remember writing her an email the next day pouring out my feelings to her. i really didn't know how she would respond but that night while at guys cell group she called. that gentle voice that i haven't heard in so long nearly shook me off my chair. could it really be her, i kept asking myself. indeed it was and it was then that i knew that what i had lost was found, and now i can smile again.

a new beginning

2004-09-03T13:46:00.000-07:00

for the longest time i've been asking God why my past relationship ended so horribly. this question has always been gnawing at the back of my mind even tho i go about my days as if everything is so perfect in my life. itz so easy to hide behind this mask and pretend that everything is so cool, when in fact itz not. itz even easier to pretend when your life is so busy with everyday events that consume so much of your precious time. inevitably it all must come to an end as you lay in the dark of night and reality starts to set in. no more distractions, just you and your conscience. slowly that inner voice gets louder and starts to resonate the very question you've been trying to avoid…"why did things happen the way they did God?" you get desperate, so you start to count sheep but to no avail. there is no escape this time, so you contemplate until you finally fall asleep. as morning comes, a new day ushers in but sadly the cycle begins once again.

so why did everything happen the way it did? three years later i'm still not completely 100% sure why God set in motion the events in my life. after all, how can anyone be 100% sure of God's reasons for what He does. to fully grasp His reasons would require us to be at the same level as our creator which of course is so silly to even begin to fathom so, you learn to accept by faith that God knows what He is doing in all facets of your life. that is what i've always known but only now do i really believe in my heart. when i look at how things are in my life, i honestly can say that i wouldn't be the person i am today if things didn't happen the way they did. not to mention i wouldn't have met the people i now call my frienz and especially my beloved becca. but that still doesn't take away from the hurt and suffering endured through the process.

i was spiritually dry at the time and involved in a relationship that didn't meet my needs but didn't have the heart to end. i really loved her so much so despite our imperfect relationship i did my very best to keep things together. in the end she ended the relationship and left me broken hearted. not so much because the relationship ended but more the fact that our friendship ended as well. i was so hurt at the fact that she didn't care about my feelings anymore. i was tired of all the lying and lack of communication. i was so mad at the fact that she just walked out of my life and into the arms of some other guy. it just didn't seem right after everything i did for her. i felt so used like some cheap tissue that could be discarded without a second thought. how could someone do this, i thought to myself. i was the first person to befriend her and encourage her to be more involved and be more social. i introduced her to my circle of frienz and did my best to make her feel accepted in church. i was the one who was always there when things got tough and for all my efforts in the end she left me. never once making any effort to salvage some sort of friendship. she just left and never looked back. sadly the hurt and the madness slowly turn to hate. a hate that enveloped the goodness in me and spawned resentment and bitterness that has so consumed me ever since. i had wished that i never had met her in the beginning i kept telling myself and soon i just found myself in a deep pit of despair

itz been three years now and so much has changed in my life. for the first time i can finally say that i've put everything in the past. for the first time i can say that i forgive you for the hurt and pain you caused me. it has been such a long struggle but i've been blessed with the greatest of frienz and especially my beloved through this whole experience. the bitterness and resentment that once consumed my life no longer has control over me. in hindsight i can't thank God enough for what He put me through even tho at the time i didn't feel this way. God knew that my past relationship wasn't what i really needed. He knew how i felt deep inside but didn't have the heart to say.

there was so many things missing in my past relationship that are so clear now. the communication, the commitment, the honesty, the feeling of security, the understanding of needs, the family support and the presence of God. such vital ingredients for a lasting and healthy relationship. it requires so much time, effort and work to make things right and more often then not itz so much easier to just walk away. to not deal with the issues in the relationship and just pretend that everything is fine when itz not. to sweep aside their feelings and not even acknowledge what they have to say. in the end, negative feelings fester, problems compound, resentment builds up, arguments ensue and inevitably leading to a break down of the relationship and ultimately an end. this pretty much sums up my past relationship in a nut shell.

with that said, restoring that which was once broken is something that i've felt God continually pressing upon my heart. with every sermon i feel God speaking to me and tugging at my heart to reconcile that past relationship that once hurt me. that forgiveness isn't enough, and that if she's not going to make any attempt to reconcile what happen between us than i'll take the initiative. it may go against everything i use to do but itz time to grow up. itz time to stop doing things my way and start doing things God's way despite how much i've been hurt by her or despite how painful the process will be. itz not going to be easy. i have no idea how she feels anymore or if she even remotely cares about me or our broke relationship. she's done nothing thus far so i'm left to believe that i no longer mean much to her. i've surrendered this relationship to God and trust that in His infinite wisdom that He knows what is best for me and for josie. pray for me...

it has begun

2004-09-02T21:02:00.000-07:00

finally, after sleepness nights and long hours of work,
wilax's blogspot has been made!

well okay fine, just a few hours of work..
by me! yup its becca here.
just doing my swt corn a little favour.
hopefully he will keep it updated with interesting entries.

as of now theres not much here,
but come back soon. updates will be made shortly =)