have you ever lost something of value before? i know i have and itz not the greatest experience. i remember losing my wallet and being overcome by this paralyzing feeling. after the panic subsided and i calmly retraced my steps i realized that i left my wallet at bubble star. i quickly sped to commerce gate and even before i could tell them what happened they had my wallet in hand, ready to give back to me. i was so overjoyed and relieved that i could have hugged everyone in sight. losing my wallet is one thing because in the end it can be replaced but what about losing a friend. i've had my share in lost frienz and each one of them can never be replaced. they exist only in my thoughts and in the memories we shared together now. but thatz not how i want things to be and i'm sure itz not what god wants either.

for the most part the frienz that i've lost in the past aren't a result of death but a choice on my part to make little to no effort to salvage the relationship because of some sort of disagreement. you probably know the drill by now, someone is offended, alienation begins, attitudes change, inappropriate words and actions soon follow. the relationship is strained and even ended at times. the largest bird in the world, the ostrich, has the undeserved reputation of responding to imminent danger by sticking itz head in the sand. that seems foolish because even tho you don't see the danger it doesn't mean that the danger is gone. yet i keep falling into this trap of trying to ignore my problems by preoccupying myself with other things so i don't have to deal with it. all while it continues to grow like a cancer eating away at me from the inside out.

looking back there is one particular person that really comes to mind. i remember meeting her for the very first time at softball, she was so shy and innocent looking despite her white tube-top. i was so nervous around her cuz i didn't want to make a fool of myself. with great courage i got her number and i must of rehearsed what i wanted to say like ten times before actually calling her. But when i started to talk with her, it was so easy to hold a conversation and the more we talked the more comfortable i got. what i'll never forget is the time we went fishing together and on the way to the lake she started crying in the middle of my sharing. i was so blown away by her reaction that i started to get teary eyed myself. i just never expected this type of response but through it all, it brought us so much closer together.(btw, she put me to shame which was so obvious from the start when i was too grossed out to put the worm on the hook and she had to do it for me)

our friendship has definitely had itz share of ups and downs but through those struggles our friendship was strengthen. especially during the time in my life where i was trying to make sense of my break up with josie. we had so many late nite conversations and no matter how late or how busy she found herself, she always made time for me. most profound was just watching her endure the very same struggles that i was experiencing...a broken heart. in recognizing her problems, her pain and her frustrations were every bit as real as my own but still had the heart to be there for me greatly humbled me and enhanced my sense of appreciation for her. she has been such a testimony to me but that was then, and this is now...

itz been a year since we parted ways and when i think back to the reason why we stopped talking i can't believe how foolish i was. once again i've let my pride rob me of a year of my precious time spent with someone so special to me. the worst part in all this is the kind of christian testimony i've been to her. itz something i know that i can't let drag on any longer and i've come to the conclusion that itz time to end the silence and make an effort in building our lost relationship up again. i definitely felt that this is what god wanted also because at every roadblock i faced with trying to get in touch with her again he would give me the answer. no answer more profound then getting her email from her younger brother at first markham place while getting a drink for becca. i couldn't help but sit in my car after in wonderment. i mean, i've been trying to get her email for the past month with no success and out of no where it comes to me from god. it just comes to show that if god wants something to happen then itz going to happen no matter what.

i didn't want this opportunity that god gave me go to waste, so i remember writing her an email the next day pouring out my feelings to her. i really didn't know how she would respond but that night while at guys cell group she called. that gentle voice that i haven't heard in so long nearly shook me off my chair. could it really be her, i kept asking myself. indeed it was and it was then that i knew that what i had lost was found, and now i can smile again.