after a long day out with janice downtown, i'm in desperate need of a foot massage. any takers on this?(jan i know how much you love feet!) i mean i would prefer if you had experience in this area but like i said, i'm desperate rite now so anyone will do cuz my feet feel the burn…that can't be a good sign rite?

what an eventful day out with janice before she leaves for vietnam to participate in a three week course studying evolutionary ecology of plants and insects. it started early with a lot of walking on yonge and queen street by the eaton centre. we both got a chance to finally eat at quizno sub and we even got to visit M.E.C., which happens to be one of my favorite stores to peruse(yes itz a real word becca & janice) cuz they have all sorts of cool gadgets and camping gear. by the time we finished walking eaton centre my feet just couldn’t take it anymore and sure enough janice didn’t let it down that i couldn’t keep up with her. in all fairness, she did get a hour and half rest while she got her hair styled while i was still out roaming yonge street in search for good deals. it wasn’t on the way uptown to meet up with becca and all her frienz did we finally start talking about what kinda questions we would like to have answered at C.S.I.. for janice it seem that the whole concept of predestination was a blur and for myself forgiveness was definitely hot on my mind once again. we eventually, just ended up grabbing some coconut buns from this chinese supermarket since everyone who we were suppose to meet up with ended up being a no show.

we arrived at church early so we decided to play some bball since janice’s balling skills are legendary. she really whooped my butt with her super accurate shooting and even eliminated me from our game of bump. lucky for me the program tonight came with refreshments and i must say the dessert by alex was very yummy. i had brought my ever so popular mango pudding which i knew would put a smile on joyce. C.S.I. started with a lot of very thought-provoking questions but it wasn’t until becca read my question about forgiveness did i really start to feel engaged. after all, it was my question and there was definitely a personal element to why i would ask such a question to begin with. forgiveness is something i struggle with for as long as i can remember. as i’m writing this, the voice in my head is already firing off name’s of people that i find it hard to forgive. people who have offended or hurt me in the past, none harder to forgive then HER. in the past i’ve said i’ve forgivin HER, after all who i am today is because things happened the way they did. and yet i just don’t feel like i’m totally content with how things are. i know everything happens for a reason and i honestly do believe that it was all part of God’s determined WILL for me. with time i do see things coming full circle but i know there is still something missing in the “big” picture. i think apart of it has a lot to do with just getting the kinda closer that i’ve never gotten. still waiting in expectancy for those words “i’m sorry for hurting you...will you forgive me?”. at the same time, i remember what pui wing said at C.S.I. again and again. at the end of the day, so what if you get all the anwers you're looking for, then what? would that make you believe more and accept everything wholeheartedly? would that make you forgive HER? as i ponder this…

...the underlying truth is, if i never hear those words or get the kind of closer i’m seeking i would still fully forgive josie. i’ve held this for so long because i’ve always cared for HER dispite how much i’ve been hurt. and that is the truth...

...finally i feel the circle is complete...