itz about 2 in the morning and i’m fast asleep after an eventful weekend. sure enough the one time i just wanna sleep i get a phone call from a friend. to make things worst, i was too lazy this one time to bring my cell phone with me to bed so i have to get out of bed to answer this call…grrr!! i can’t remember the last time someone called at 2 in the morning and having a decent conversation without falling asleep on them. i’m sure becca can attest to this. maybe itz cuz i haven’t talked to karen in so long or maybe itz just a combination of that, mixed with missing the kind of closeness we once shared before we both got so busy with our personal lives. her tone of voice said it all, i knew what she was gona say, and then she just poured her heart out to me about him. as i sat there just listening i couldn’t help but start getting teary eyed. a part of me just felt responsible for bringing the kind of stress, heartache and pain into her life by introducing them in the first place. what once was joy has turned to regret...

it was suppose to be a fairytale story. he was one of my closest guy frienz who was super sweet, sensitive and smart. she was this awesome girl that i got to know through our many conversations about our broken relationships in the past. i wanted so much for them to be together because they seem so compatible and i saw qualities that would really make an awesome relationship. one that would find itz foundations strongly rooted in Christ. the gears in my head were working hard to bring them both together and sure enough with time things worked out as planned. i was overcome with joy when it was official...bf/gf...finally it was complete. they were so much in love, you could see it in so many ways, especially the way they held each other under a moon lit sky adorned with brightly shining stars. the way they starred at each other seem to reach deep into their souls. they had fallen in love or so i had thought at the time. perhaps they had fallen in love with the idea love itself. i really don’t know, i can’t speak for the both of them, but what i do know, is how things are now and it scares me. fairytale stories are suppose to end with a happily ever after...so what happened?

i keep asking myself this very question over and over again. the more i keep thinking about this the more questions keep surfacing. i know that i can’t keep hiding behind this idealistic relationship that i want them both to have. that i have to face the reality of what i do see and that is you and her aren’t meant to be. itz not a question about my loyalties to you anymore but what God has impressed in my heart that i feel is right. slowly all those great characteristics of you i once admired are slowly fading away and shrouded by a darker side of you that scares me very much. in the past, it isn’t just the fact that you’re upset about something wrong she may have done to you but itz this feeling of just pure rage that i get from you. itz not even the fact that you are yelling at her, but just something about you. you’ve become a different person, a person i don’t even recognize and the truth is i don’t want to get to know.

i know things in your life have been tough and i’m sure the road that you’ve traveled to get to the point where you are today hasn’t been easy. i can’t say i understand what you’ve gone through but what i do know, is that in the end, it will be your attitude that defines how you deal with life circumstances. so perhaps the cards dealt to you by God weren’t the best but what you do with those cards is up to you. someone once said "what we are is God’s gift to us: what we become is our gift to God". you can continue to live your life complaining and being upset at all the things that you don’t have or you can start to realize all the blessings that God bestowed to you in the simplest of things in life. you’ve taken for granted what you do have and replaced it with the superficial things this world values as being important. you’ve been looking in all the wrong places and in all the wrong people when all along itz been staring right back at you…face to face. you had the most precious gift of all...

the love of your beloved

yet you continue to let your pride, your jealous, your insecurity, and your unforgiving heart blind you from God’s gift. you remain stubborn believing your way is the only way despite being told over and over again that a relationship is about give and take. it is not a dictatorship but of mutual understanding and compromise when you don’t see eye to eye. maybe you don’t see anything wrong with what you’re doing but then again thatz what i once thought myself...and look what happened.

you of all people should know how things ended up between me and josie. i’m telling you this because i don’t want the same thing to happen to you and karen like what happened to me and josie. you still can make a difference and step out of your relationship to look at ways to improve yourself first and your relationship with karen second. i can never do that with josie and i would be lying if i told you that it doesn’t hurt anymore because it truly does. so many memories still resonate inside me of a time when we were both so happy. i loved josie so much...and to this day i still care and miss josie even tho it may not seem like i do. i may not know the kind of person she’s become but i pray always with all my heart that whatever endeavors she’s chosen that God is in control. don’t be so blind like me and take karen for granted like i took josie. don’t let you pride get the best of you because in the end you’ll be a very sad, bitter, and lonely person.

you know i only want the very best for you and i’m only telling cause i care for you like a brother. you may end up hating me for what i’ve said but i’ve entrusted my feelings to God and i pray that He’ll make you understand just how much you’ve been blessed and most importantly how much God loves you. i thank you with all my heart for being the one person who has seen me through the good and bad with josie. nothing i can ever do could repay you for the support and encouragement you gave me during that part of my life. thank you...

“love is patient, love is kind, it does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. it is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.” 1 Corinthians 13: 4-5