in your first year of engineering one of the basic things they tell you during your freshman orientation is to look to your left and look to your right, by the end of the school term they won’t be in the program. itz funny at the time, but itz so true and in a lot of ways itz like life. as i start to look to the left and look to the right in my life, the people that i’ve shared great memories with once upon a time aren’t there any longer because either they’ve died or we’ve just grown so distant with each other. itz sad but so true.

i remember when i was going to tccc fellowship and was introduced to these two really cute twins. it was so hard to tell them apart but i naturally had a crush on one more then the other. we became great friends to the point that we both felt that a relationship would just hurt our friendship so we ended up just being great friends. when i left tccc we stayed in touch often but it wasn’t the same anymore. we had grown distant, and with time we just ended up going separate ways in our lives. we ran into each other during softball a few times and we always planned to meet up and do something official together. that never happened and the sad part of it all, is that it will never happen as she past away a few months ago in an car accident on her way back to toronto from waterloo. now when i look to the right, there is just one less person i see on that side and it hurts. i’m scared, i don’t want to look to the left because i honestly don’t want to see who’ll be missing on that side. itz hard to accept but itz inevitable that eventually everyone on the right and left will no longer be there but the bigger question is where will they be?

the bible clearly states that there are only two places: heaven or hell? as a child of ten or eleven, i remember watching this christian movie at church about the second coming of Christ. it depicted a typical normal society going about everyday activities like what we would do now in our lives minus all the fancy cool gadgets we have today. suddenly without warning one day the rapture came and all those who truly believed and accepted Christ as their personal Lord and Savior were taken and everyone else was left behind. those who were left behind were at first confused until they realized what had happen. then all you saw were people running in the streets yelling and screaming for God to save them but it was too late. i was freaked out back then and come to think of it, i’m pretty freaked out now. i can’t imagine how it will truly be but then again, when the time comes, itz not an experience that i want to have.

i use to go by the screen name heaven4ever as reminder to myself that the greatest joy on earth is the prospect of heaven. it was even my asian avenue name which didn’t work too well, as i would constantly get my guestbook tagged by guys that were trying to mack on me. i eventually abandoned that screen name for a more manly screen name and in the process lost sight of what was truly important in life. i mean when your young, you don’t give death or life after death much thought. when you’re young, you live this carefree lifestyle and you basically do anything you want with no worries of the consequences. you have this mentality that you are invincible, that nothing can hurt you and you’ll live forever. as you get a little older you start to realize that maybe you aren’t so invincible as you once thought you were. you start to feel the pressures of growing up and fulfilling the expectations that have been placed on you or those that have been set by you. you worry more as you try to juggle your social, academic and spiritual life. all while you experience the rollercoaster ride of your emotions from the great joys to the deep pains of a broken heart.

now that i’m little older, i’ve realized that somewhere along life’s highway, the busyness of life has taken me off course but i am thankful for these past two weeks of cd team which has definitely reminded me of the importance of having an eternal perspective again. for the past two weeks we’ve looked at two parables in the bible, the first being the parable of the ten virgins and the second being the parable of the rich man and lazarus. each with a central theme of death and being prepared for the second coming of Christ. we’ve been challenged many times by pui wing with questions like are you prepared for Christ second coming today? do you even look forward to His coming? whatz holding you back from being prepared?

itz been a very emotional rollercoaster ride for me these past two weeks as i have been doing a lot of soul searching in my personal life. i know that i have accepted Christ as my personal savior and thus assured of His saving grace but have i really lived the kind of christian life that He commands me to live. the parable of the rich man and lazarus makes it crystal clear that in life after death, there is nothing we can do to help those who reside in hell. as much as i want to show compassion for them itz too late. i think of all those people that are on the left and right of me that i’ll never see again even in life after death and itz scary. have i really made the kind of effort to share the gospel to them that God commands me to do. i think of all those people who come to church on a regular basis perhaps out of habit but haven’t truly believed, what will happen to them? i don’t know…

all i know, is that life is so fragile and when i get to the end of my life i don’t want to ever look back wistfully at all the times that was lost over trivial differences and regret that i didn’t do enough, that i didn’t make good choices, that i didn’t share the gospel to my frienz, and that i didn’t live the kind of christian testimony that God commands me to live. for so long i’ve been running from my fears and letting them have full control of me and hindering me emotionally and spiritually. there are things that i need to do that i have left unresolved for way too long. i’ve been coasting in life, effectively distracting myself time and time again because there is no sense of urgency but now there clearly is. so until He returns or calls me home, itz time to give God control of my fears and step into the light and live the life that God so blessed me with. itz time to life each day as tho it was my last because i know one day it will be.

"i expect to pass through this world but once.
any good thing, therefore, that i can do or
any kindness i can show to any fellow human being
let me do it now. let me not defer nor neglect it,
for i shall not pass this way again."